Thursday, July 6, 2017

27 years, 5 months and 20 days.....

So another year around the sun and boy have we had fun!   :)   We visited 4 places outside of the US and traveled around VA and NC a bit too.   Everything from snorkeling to playing on the slot machines, game nights, eating out, wine tasting, etc...  it has ALL been a great time.    Time.

We accomplished a lot and in 2016 we both placed a vote for our new president who will spend his "time" in the white house.  What he can "fit in" and "fix" in the next 4 years to fix bigger problems will probably be a lot more than we do to take care of what in comparison is really small potatoes ..and he will be criticized just like all of the rest for not doing enough.... no matter what he does.  I feel that I never do "enough."

We  (my hubby and I ) spend a lot of time at home watching our shows, relaxing and eating after work only to sleep and then do it all over again.  The excitement of the week  and when we want to mingle it has been at our "home away from home"  Cerra Azul.  (We surely needed to buy stock in that place years ago..... but I guess hind sight is 20/20).  I go to the occasional breakfast, or shoot the concert of the week and the hubby plays golf and many times those activities take precedence of our "time" because we feel we NEED that in our lives.    

Our grandchildren have grown.... wow .... ever so quickly and before you know it they will be young adults.   My oldest grandchild is now OLDER than our daughters when they first met...that is hard to believe.  We squeeze in bits of time with them because as we all know "life is short" and when one of the kids allows us to be young again through the eyes of our grandchildren - for me time stands still and I can see that magic and innocence that once was in the forefront of the days "agenda." 

I am thinking about "us" and you (E)  and the future now days more than ever in my life.   As your 60th birthday is quickly approaching, your breathing is a bit more labored and how hard you work for us.   I know that things need to change more sooner than later and that part I am not sure if I am ready for that yet.  I got a call yesterday from a company that wanted to come give us a free estimate on how much it would cost to put in a "walk in shower" and then the constant AARP mail that comes ...well you know ... its almost everyday I am forced to look at the future.  It seems like the "everyday things" just can't be accomplished no matter how hard we try because other things like "work" and "vacations" seem to get in the way.    I am finally understanding why we have "retirement" I think its so that we can get done the "everyday" stuff as we may be moving a bit differently and priorities sure do change.  Those 30 years you promised me is now 24 the 6 years that passed have flown.

For both of us ... moving... getting out of bed is a chore and the aches and pains and the "ows" and "ews" are more often,   I threw away the glucosomine even though I felt it was working some, you felt "no different" and  you started taking more ibruprofen and the bottles of pills are growing ,  just like all of the other aging people in our generation.   I started working out with a fervor and that is petering out  - not that I am tiring of it -  I was actually enjoying it but the time ...well ... I need to invest it else where to keep things instead of myself from deterioration.   

Time.   Its a funny thing.  Its a measure by which we do many things, including celebrate how long we have been on earth, how long we have been married, how much time we have left on earth etc etc....   I had a friend tell me that she was old yesterday.  She is 61.   I remember when that sounded "ancient" but today, now that it is just around the corner.... it doesn't sound old to me.   It doesn't sound like that much "time"  to do everything a person wants to do.

I have never been a lover of antiques, unless they have been cars.... but lately my intrigue with "old rusty things" has increased.   Maybe that is an indicator of maturity or an indicator of what we find worth in.  I understand now the care and trouble that people have to invest in antiques to keep them in pristine condition, to hold their worth, the idea is not to "neglect" the aging items but rather care for them so that their beauty can remain and even increase.  I see everything around me deteriorating quickly and there is nothing I can do .... I don't have enough time....  I am overwhelmed by all of the broken , the old, the unfixable , the things we don't have time for that are growing rusty and old around us.  Some say  those things are growing in value while they withstand the weathering and others say .... they need to be discarded.... I think they are beautiful.... now.

Most people measure out their time , like a recipe for the day.   They work for 8 hours, they sleep for 8 hours and that leaves 8 other hours to drive, do chores, eat, prepare, repair etc.   The very thought of that drives me crazy.  I want to accomplish as much as I can , sleep when I am tired, eat when I am hungry and work all that I can and fit it in , squeeze that minute , as some would squeeze a penny to eek out every ounce or drop of it that I can.   I realized just yesterday that I depend on it much more than I realized when I secretly hoped the clock on the wall or the one in the truck would magically tell the correct time (or even close) or why not just fix or replace itself.

So I make my lists, I fill in my calendars, I attempt to accomplish all that I can and I look at the piles of things that I need to do all around me, ignoring them... and taking pride in the small accomplishments I make around it all.   My vacations seem necessary to mark off / cross off my bucket list items and rejuvenate but it is almost like a losing battle these day. ... I feel like I need to use them / vacations... otherwise ... I need to catch up on all of the neglect and replenish my surroundings because sometimes I feel that they are enveloping me ... and I am fighting to keep my own self from going down with them.   Those broken appliances and clocks that stop ticking ... I can hear them straining to continue to work.... while I try to sleep.

So today.... today I will eek out the minutes, the seconds, the hours and finish what I can, edit what I can,  take photos of a fabulous musician and try to promote and work on my hopes and dreams in between.  I will enter some contests and cross my fingers while squeezing my eyes shut that one prayer, one wish gets answered today.    I will save a penny,  declutter a thing or two , wash some clothes and some dishes and my body... in between and maybe get a bit of shut eye or ... maybe not... who has time for sleep?  Don't they say you get plenty of time for that when you die?   Heck I have had my kayak now for almost 7 months and have not been able to allow myself the "time" to enjoy it :( 

CARPE DIEM...I remind myself ... don't waste a minute of that precious TIME.

1 comment:

Susan Moore said...

Great post, my friend! ❤