I have struggled with forgiveness and the thought of it for years. I have written about it many times and I have blogged about it several times. (HERE are the blog posts from the past) I have spoken with several of my spiritual friends, my religious friends and even a medium about forgiveness and the impossibility of it ... in my life.
They say there are unforgivable sins. But those sins are sins against God, not against humans. Because we are human and sin..... I would think we would be "allowed" to hold the sins against us.... as unforgivable.
I could go on a rant and list all of the things I cannot forgive another for. My exes, my parents .... etc etc...
I could also list all of the people that have encouraged me to give forgiveness when I have told them that it is impossible to do so.
Recently I learned that removing my expectations relieve me of the fate of being disappointed or hurt. Thereby, having less to forgive. I have a litany of things that I have been hurt by for no other reason than my own brain formulating what I should and have expected from other people.
AA , an organization that helped my Dad in his final 4 years on earth , sent him on a quest to seek forgiveness from those that he hurt, REGARDLESS if the very same people had hurt him... it wasn't about that .... it was about being humble and genuine and facing the shortcomings that he (alcohol) had done. He called me and asked forgiveness. that made me happy that made me cry... of course I would...but when he told me "who else he had called" I was angry, asking him WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD YOU DO THAT ? his answer was "because that is what was going to heal him." I didn't understand.
This morning I watched my "online church" that I missed Easter Sunday. I saw a couple of friends state that the service was fantastic..... and how it spoke to them .... not realizing that this particular service would resurrect something in me.
I encourage my friends and family to watch it .... if you are short on time, GO HERE take the little slider bar and move it to 34:57... and watch from there.... that is when Brian, the pastor , "comes on"that is the meat , the lesson .... the word(s)
Watching it here, in the quietness of my house , alone , I said a little prayer ... which I do frequently...asking God to bless my house, my children, and all of my loved ones. I ask God to help me to be a better person and help me to understand what it is that I should be doing in my life that would be pleasing to him.
You see I have always tried to do what is right, I have always loved and done everything in my life out of love... for my family ... and for me....but maybe not "for God." Forgiveness.... that thought came to me today , wasn't for me.... as I have often been told .... it is FOR GOD!
God has given me so much . Yes I have had a hard life... a lot of people have .... I have been so bitter and angry that I have overlooked the thing that is plain as the nose on my face..the "thing" that God let me see today... .. "forgive for GOD" not for me not for God to do for me.... but for me to do FOR GOD!
I still have so much to learn.