Tuesday, September 8, 2015

My LABORIOUS DAY......




This is the very first Labor Day Parade that I haven't been to in several years....

I had every intention of going  and taking my own photos of the people I know and love that would be marching, throwing candy, smiling and waving that wave...the "miss america" wave that we lovingly call it.     

AND my daughter and her baby son were going with me, for him to go to his very first parade and collect candy.... lots of it... I was imagining his sheer delight and my daughters smile and my BF watching that none of us get hit by oncoming traffic in our quest to do all of the above.

I woke up... not feeling well ... and wasn't able to go ANYWHERE.   I called my daughter and canceled the plans of the day which also included a stop by BWW afterwards to chow down.... nope none of that would happen....

NO COOK OUT , NO PARADE, NO BEACH , NO END OF SUMMER CELEBRATION.....

What did happen?   I laid in bed... I did not get my editing done,  I did not see anyone ,  my BF went to play golf and I did very little besides read (a bit) and stay in bed.. and drink ginger ale... I didn't eat until the evening and when I did I ate a lot.... and went to sleep.

In between the getting up and going to sleep....there were some things that happened ... somethings happened... with a dear dear friend.... a disagreement of sorts, the kind of disagreement that goes straight to your core..... one that feelings are hurt and there is no "right words" to make everything feel right.... maybe ever again. For me ..... when these things happen in the most unexpected places and times over the most unexpected reasons.... I question myself, God, friendships and "trust" .....

I prayed a little prayer,  but my brain was tormented.


Sleep..... was healing..... and so were the emails that asked where I was, and that my presence was missed..... at the labor day parade... which made me feel really good considering there was a plethora of great photographers and newspaper people all abound , cell phones and more but those words that Sheila wrote....... (and I will quote with her permission) 

" I really missed your smiling face and big camera at the parade today!  It wasn't the same to hurry home to see who and what would be featured on your photography page!  I know that there will be plenty of good ones taken and in the paper and on the websites but there is a little something extra in your photos that have always made me happy to see.  There is only one Anjie and I sure did miss your larger than life self today."

What?  Really?   was that straight from her heart to my ears or was there an intervention involved.  This note , TRUST ME , felt good, boosted my deflated ego.... was timely , awesome and fabulous , but did nothing ....to help with my hurting heart

Someone took the time to write such a fabulous message to me, one that was real from a person I barely know.... a Facebook Friend and a "liker" of my photography page,  heck there are people that know me well, that haven't even "liked" my page for what ever reason much less write me such a letter.    For that I should be jumping for joy and re-energized to DO MY THING! 

In fact.... I have to say its not the only one I have gotten of late, I have gotten some really awesome reviews and even a couple of notes (Sara, Omar, Ashley and Lisa) in the mail with a gift or card  .... that have made my heart sing.... thank you .... your kindness means more than you know...

Was this God or was this the people acting in what some would call a "godly" manner?    Did the individuals doing and saying these things feel that they were moved divinely or were they just genuinely nice humans ? (that by the way have some extremely good karma coming their way- 10 fold!)

The problem that kept me from going to the parade was gone ----this a.m... after sleep....Again was my NOT GOING an act of God? or was it just my tired body letting me know that I needed to stay home that day for whatever reason?   ... I felt rested  this a.m.  and able to get up and cook a huge breakfast,  bag up the trash and make the bed and write this blogpost and will start editing my photos that need to be done very soon.... all before my 2nd cup of tea.... 

My problem with my friend, lingers,  the words dancing around in my head...the emotions tugging at my heart.  I have to work ...its hard to work with something so heavy in my chest, it's easier to do chores and things that are mindless....like cooking , cleaning , raking and and and....but I need to edit and use my creative self.... I will pray again... drink my tea and take a bath , trying to muster up that part of me that makes me "larger than life"   "the only one anjie" that Sheila so sweetly wrote in her email .... 

I envy those that can chalk everything up to God..... I envy those that have the Faith to take the good with the bad as a "lesson" of some sort from God.... I am amazed that by my most humble of observations that .... the most Godly in my mind ....can sometimes be the most selfish in the thick of things.... while those that do not claim to be have the most self-less actions of all.....









2 comments:

Debra said...

Being a good person, loving person with a strong moral compass. Who knows what evil looks like. .stared it in the face and chose to go far away from its ugliness, that is who you are. Have faith in you, and worry less about who seems to be more godly. Your light shines bright anjie. ..i feel it every day!

Brandee Shafer said...

Sorry you weren’t feeling well and missed the Labor Day parade. Agree with Sheila: there’s only one Anjie! Agree with Debra: your light shines brightly! As to the rest, you know, there isn’t a person on this planet who isn’t broken, flawed, and sinful. Christ forgives and sanctifies His followers, but no one’s perfect on this side. I think everyone’s got baggage. I think everyone’s fighting a battle of some sort. I think, too, that hurting people hurt people. I believe in God’s plan. I think His plan is complex: that it involves everyone and not just someone, that He’s working things to the good of all His children at the very same time. Sometimes really painful things happen to me, but I guess (more often than not) it’s through pain that I grow. I hope—in reference to the friendship you mention—you discover it to be more true and resilient than you think in the moment. It’s not perfect because nothing and no one is. But that doesn’t mean it’s not valuable. Some of the best friendships are between people who see things differently; they help one another grow.