Wednesday, January 2, 2013

GOOD RIDDANCE 2012........HELLO 2013 LETS MAKE MEMORIES!


2012 was the turning point in my life in many ways.  I turned 50 years old to start with....... that was when I realized that I wasn't on the "rise" any longer I was on the "down slope" and what a slippery slope that could be.

Obstacles began my year of 2012 but many of them were bittersweet.....oxymorons if you will.

I watched the ball drop on New Years Eve.......Cary Street .......with high hopes that my decisions that I was making would restore some
relationships in my life and restore my faith in myself, God and Love.   I found that the year held many positive events and reunions , especially with my peeps in New Orleans.  As I look back over the photographs , the images of 2012 I can't help but smile...... it was "the best of times it was the worst of times" comes to mind.

But there are a few things that will always be with me in 2012.   My Dad , didn't make that 50th birthday party he said he would down in N'awlins..... and he didn't make it until the end of the year either.  I remember telling Kristi to give my Dad the message,  "you only turn 50 one time in your life, you better make it a good one."   I poisoned myself that night, unintentionally, but intentionally buying that Crack DaQ (angelle) I was warned about thinking ......."one drink for the night" will last me all night......and all night it did...... I was sick and missed my own birthday party. Thank God for my sister and friends that took care of me........well .......sorta........the pictures looked like there was some fun made at my expense to commemorate the event.... "when anjie got drunk!"    BAH........ I made up for it with a fabulous weekend with my sista and besties going to a fabulous Craw Fish Boil in Slidell  (thanks shane)  and followed it with Italian/Irish Parade New Orleans style and Birthday for my BFFS ELLEN AND TARI TOO!

2012 made the fourth year that I quit smoking.  A fantastic and fabulous ASS KICKING feat for me.   I am tempted much by that small little thing that I used to call best friend....... I miss the unconditional love the 24/7 companionship/ the mind soother that was with me through thick and thin.  I haven't found just the right replacement yet.......that will make me forget completely about it ..... but I will say I withstood some pretty rough events that I didn't think I would be able to withstand without going back to "puffing."

I have started to take ambien this year.  I was always a melatonin type of girl, but my mind wont quit...... ever.....and especially when I want to go to sleep.  STAYING ASLEEP is easy with Ambien.  So far I haven't done any crazy things that I am aware of.  I don't have any other prescriptions and have stayed healthy for FIFTY YEARS OLD OMG......that is OLD......... I remember when I thought 40 was....so this is definitely OLD...... to my young self, but my faithful hero, my almost 93 year old Aunt Letha Lee assured me once again  "40 isn't old, 50 isn't either, 75..... no maybe 85 is old......enjoy being young"

My Dad never made it to "Old."  He was 74 this year and he died on me.  Yep.......he's gone.   He was an only child, POA of my 90 year old grandmother and left me with a MESS to deal with.   He wasn't old......but he was sick.......in many ways.  There are those that will really miss my Dad, and I am one of them.  No one had the relationship I did with him..... except maybe close was my Aunt Letha Lee.   Even my grandmother didn't have the same relationship that I did, but I will say she lived her life solely for him and a "dream."  and no one else can say that they did,  not his dad, not either of his wives , nor child(ren).

Now I am the caretaker of my Grandmother,  who knew? this would ever happen.  I wish I had lived closer to her years ago.... a different story with a different ending would have definitely be certain. That hind sight thing 20/20.......yep.......true story, its crystal clear.  The older you get the more "hind site" you get , the more hind site you get the more clear the mistakes you have made become.  The what ifs become the you better hurry up and do them.   My grandmother did not smoke, did not drink and all of her organs are healthy.  They are so healthy that they are keeping her alive through mega doses of pain killers because her perfiphial arteries are dying .  She really doesn't have much "awake" time on this earth.  She resembles her baby pictures now and pretty much has the life an infant has without all of the people wanting to take care of you.   She has a fabulous family.  And they are helping me with my loss and caring for my Grandmother.

The Kay Family...... 2012 REINTRODUCED me to them....... and at 50 years old I see that I was taken away from the best family a person could ask for at 6 years old.....never to be in touch in any fashion (except aunt letha lee and aunt odeal that reached out when they could and were allowed) and I see now what they had to put up with in order to do so and I am thankful.

2012 the world welcomed my very first great niece, Kinsley and she is beautiful , she just lives way too far away.   My niece while pregnant with her secured 2 Associates degrees and has become engaged.  She is taking the world by the tail and standing up for what is good and right around her.  She had a fabulous year and still managed to be my angel when I was in need in 2012. 

ALSO 2012.... Alicia (my bird) and her boyfriend became engaged and in  2012 my daughter Kelly became engaged to her long time boyfriend, Rabih.  They will all get married in 2013. My Bff Nora and her honey will also be married in 2013.  Hopefully it is lucky "13" for them and their journey.  I watched my GF Susan celebrate the engagement of her son on the last day of 2012 via facebook video.... with hope for the New Years..... These young people seem to have a more clear vision making decisions in their life , than I did at a younger age, their age or even now..... at my "old age."

2012 was a year of transition a year of clearly seeing, beginnings and other endings as well.  Those who have known me for a long time also know, even though they may not have asked, that my husband and I split up...... that he and his daughter moved out and moved on.  I went to New Orleans and got most of the information off my chest and outta my stomach.... literally and figuratively...... so that when I returned home I could be quiet...... and silent.  Thank you for letting me keep most of the details about this private.   It just doesn't fix anything to talk about it with others.   Thank you for reaching out to me and letting me just "sit on things" and not spread rumors, sling mud, spew venom or any of those things that I would regret later.   (annette, alisa, nora, robbie, marie, christy, paulette, tari, ellen, ashley, darrel, etc etc)

It has taken a while but the new studio is in the beginning stages of my house.   I have broken it in with the 2012 Seniors from PHS.  I still need to upgrade/update a few more pieces of equipment and also grab a new lens and filters, but it is workable and professional for starters.  Without the help of some very dear to me friends (karen, susan, robin, eric)  I am unsure how or if I could have ever pulled this off.  Thank you for being you and helping me , each in very unique ways to become my "old" self.   I have one more room to purge and several piles scattered about......but I am on the downslope in this area as well,  getting my "house" in order.

I went to the doctor and took all of the 50 year old tests you are supposed to take according to the elders that I know.  My father even made sure he told me about 2 important ones in his life and I have the little chart for macular degeneration hanging beside my coffee pot where I will remember to do it.  I am deficient in vitamin B12 and D but take in the missing D in the sun regularly.  I now need to buy better and more potent B12 ...... other than that I am physically good....... well at least from that perspective.

Some other things......

I cut my hair.  Impulsively and regretfully.  I held it up in the mirror and whacked it off.  20/20 thing....yea.....another one

I buried my father in the wrong resting place to avoid drama.

My nephew learned to ride a bike.

My grandchildren....... moved to a new school.

My other grandchildren I don't see.

My dear friend, Brandee, gave birth to a beautiful baby boy that I haven't met yet.
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A few "key" people were put in my life this year.  I don't think by accident but they just kind of plopped out of the sky.... to help me and for me to help them in some way or another,   thank you God for Robert, Kate, Mattie and Gina who have both been eye openers for me in this world
on a few different levels And all for different reasons .......

and a few "key" people were taken from me, among those was my life - long best friend, Mimo.  I haven't properly dealt with this
one yet, with me or with God, because the loss of my Dad and immediate extra responsibilities and fight have been relentless
and continues.

Our world has seen some crazy things happen this year that were sorrowful and political . School and Movie theaters turned into a warzone as bad as the white house and our television sets.    All hurting the innocent.

My first boyfriend and friend for life, lost his 29 year old daughter the same year that my old dear friend Robin, lost her 29 year old son in that horrendous car wreck in florida.......

A few people I know this year exited on their own.  Quit.  Called their own life, "off"   While those around them mostly "understood" but it didn't lessen the pain.

I re-acquainted myself with some long lost people this year,  Tina, Lynn, Margaret, and my uncle Moe....MY UNCLE/COUSIN , Sonny, Alexis, Lisa, Vera, Wayne, Margo, Kenny and Chris (loving those Kays so much) ..  and God

My other LA LA my Karla and I got to see each other after 20 years , I think? its been that long in Natchitoches.  This def. was one of the high points for the year.  I so wish we lived closer and Phyllis too.... my life would never see another dull moment that is for sure.

My ya ya girl Prissy, was able to come to New Orleans and join us in some of our parade activities for the st paddys day parade..... Prissy is my bff from the age of BIRTH.... :) yes that was a fabulous thing, she was even able to make me laugh on the phone when my dad died and I was riding around in his car in the old neighborhood....... I promise Prissy I will never tell another soul...... YA YA promise!

I guess 2012 was a great year in many other aspects and for some was "the time of their life"   for me I am glad to see 2012 go but am sorry that I am on the down slope now.........  I have been for about 10 years really but am just "waking up to it"   

My bucket list...... I need a new one....... I had one with all kinds of "ideal" wishes and wants on it , but I don't know what happened to it, just like I don't know what really happened to my dad, my grandmother or my mimo........ in a blink of an eye those ideals are gone and have changed....... and I feel the need to "hurry" and do them

I'm trying to pay attention very closely to the signs around me ...... trying to be more wise about the decisions that I make and live more purposely..... I am clinging to scripture, quotes, lyrics and anything else that I can to make sense out of the crazy world we live in.  I try to be graceful in uncomfortable situations, using my eyes, camera and smile to cross bridges that may be in the way.....I am trying to clamor through 2013 and come out on the other side looking forward to 2014 instead of looking back in reqret and dread at the year behind me.

There are a few Facebook Friends that I have yet to meet ........and others I haven't seen in a long long time,  there is a photography group that is waiting for me to make a date ... (doing today) , still have yet to do "christmas dinner" with some friends (need to fix that)  and before I know it , will be time to go back to Louisiana.... SEE I told you my mind is not quiet..... ever...... at night I take care of it with a pill during the day..... that's a different story.
I want to say HAPPY NEW YEAR TO ALL OF YOU and hope that 2013 is good to you ..... and leaves you with great memories too

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