Sunday, February 12, 2012

VALENTINES DAY THOUGHTS..............Hearts and stuff...........

Heart Sticker given to me by my new friend, who happens to have a thing called Austism feb. 2012

when you work in a school......you think a lot more about Valentines Day than when you don't.  The kids are coloring cupids, learning about heart shapes and incorporating learning in with the holiday.  We see and use heart stickers for a variety of reasons.   One of those reasons are "being good."   My new friend used them to cover images one on top of another in a rhythmic kind of way.  When asked to have one the day before......I was vehemently denied.  The 2nd day........ I was h given  one without asking, a different one put on my scarf by her.  This one action really got me started thinking about love.

I have gotten a lot of emails lately inquiring about my love life from concerned friends.  I have gotten emails saying "just curious but''' in regards to my home life and marriage.   I have gotten some from the most distant of friends to those very close to me that want me to tell them "wth is going on."  These are all based on my own status updates, photos (or lack of) and comments that are out of my "normal character."  The emails that I am getting with these questions are from people who actually have kept up with me for a number of years and / or been friends with me since I was a child.   

There are also a few people who have just recently started paying attention to what I am writing and really do not "know" me , my writings, my photography, recipes, and home life writings.......like my long time friends.   These people are reading my most recent change in attitude and think that is who I have always been.  Its not.

I have flaws.........many of them fatal........and one of my most fatal of all is ________.  You fill it in.........there  no wrong answers , it is whatever you don't like in my personality. 

i have real trust issues and I have ptsd (the acute kind) but i take no other medication than melatonin, vitamins a few herbal remedies the occasional margarita and zanex as needed (quit smoking 3.5 years ago) ....here was one person that "almost knew every facet of me but that was only one" and much has happened since we last talked. So my 50 years have been jammed packed and due to that type of life I not only have traveled a lot but I also have lots of baggage.

I have a million things wrong with me. If I were to make a list I would not know where to start......I do try to be AUTHENTIC ..... and that is the best attribute I can give myself. I am me........I am pretty much an open book...........and that is an attribute and a fatal flaw as well.  I trust only a handful of people with my heart.. or love......but I give from my heart as much as possible with every ounce of it.......I help in every way I can with every person.  I think most people that know me at least know that.  LOVE is something I believe in......... and karma........and peace.

I am writing this because there are a few people who really haven't gotten to know me over the years or read my writings, posts, blogs, articles, photos and newsletters have just recently taken interest in some of the "not so positive" tone of my posts. They have wondered why I would post such awful things about people I loved and almost "come to the aid" or taken sides in the matter.  Everyone knows that my family is very limited........it always has been, but what every one does know....I have a huge extended family that has I have a  few key family members and friends that have been my crutch, my wheelchair, and what has given me the courage to stand up for myself at all and are ere to catch me when I fall.  I fall about every month and they "catch me."  Just as I do them.

I have opened up to a few people about some of my issues recentl hat I had not done so with in some years......that not only gave me support in the way of spending time with me, offering time to me but also have supported my friendship with hugs, songs, words of wisdom, texts, notes, and even stroked my ego when I didn't deserve it.  I have gotten this support by being truthful and supported my statements with things that make sense because they are authentic and filled with love.

I do believe there are always 3 sides.......... to every story....... and some are more "authentic" than others........ if it doesn't make SENSE then it probably isn't true, but if it looks and acts like a duck........it probably is a duck......that I do know

 THANK YOU ....... I think that is more to what love is...and.....that  of course a SHINY RED HEART STICKER for my scarf!

1 comment:

mjmoens said...

Lots of BIG HUGS to you, my long-time friend !! I'm here for you ... just say the word !! Love you Anj !! Marsh