Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life?

Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? 
Original post on  30 TRUTHS
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many times in the 49 years of my life, I have thought about giving up, giving up on being a wife, a mother , a daughter , a friend, my job and yes even my life.  Each time was for a different reason and the reason most often involved personal failure that I felt may not be able to be repaired. 

My thoughts went from irrational to rational.  "I need to be alive because....."   "Its selfish to feel this way because........."  " I remember what happened to the survivors when so & so did the same thing.........."  

Obviously I was never at the point of no return and never did I actually complete a task that I could not take back in the process.

I have, isolated myself from life and its daily "goings on" to find some "inner peace" or "happiness within" to avoid going to the place of "giving up."

Being a trained and degree'd in the field I should be able to put a "normal" or "not normal" label on these behaviors.  I should be able to label myself or others like me that lets the fleeting thought of ...........quitting........... go through my/their head as a viable solution to the problem.

Religion is supposed to guide us in some way as a guidebook to acceptable and unacceptable behavior, we are supposed to reflect "what would Jesus do?" into our personal situations and see if there could be a different path to follow to solve our issues.   I have often looked to the Bible and the Koran for answers on Forgiveness, and how to forgive, because I feel this is the key to NOT giving up.  If you can forgive others and yourself you may not get to this "hopeless" place in the first place...............right?  

I think to answer the question in a more direct way........... I will say.......people give up on life because they feel there are no viable solutions or way for them to "win" or "succeed" so they feel defeated............ and give up.  I have been there and look down that street sometimes and then lay in the middle of it and waller around............ then I get up and go back home........ when I do I am exhausted, tired and prefer to be withdrawn and alone for a minute or two...... or rescued.  When  I remember that the only white horse coming to rescue me has past long ago..

Every now and then my mind grasps for reasons not to give up.........things to look forward to and then I grab my camera and / or my keyboard and get to work ......sorting out the hurt, triumphs, failures, people and places that I have crossed paths with and try to get a grip that 20/20 epiphany that is always promised in the hindsight, the hindsight that never would come if you had really given up.

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