Sunday, October 24, 2010

#3.........."Something you have to forgive yourself for"

I have to forgive myself for many things.  As I stated before "forgiveness" is not my strongest point, including myself.   I could write just about anything here, from the peanut butter / chocolate indulgences  all the way to "not being the perfect parent that I aspired to be."  There are many things in between these lines both trivial and life changing that I could say I need to forgive myself for............

I guess the biggest thing I need to forgive myself for is not sending my daughter, Kelly, to private school much sooner than I did.  Or maybe even Home School?  I am not sure ..........which but I didn't give Kelly the best of educations and create the atmosphere that best fit her personality and talents.  It was a mistake, a big mistake and hind site they say is 20-20 but I will probably never forgive myself for this.

I should have learned through the older 2 girls' experiences in this county in Public Schools...........but I didn't and I could have one way or another.

Things have really changed now for the better in this county and in the schools. I see it every week at the football games.  There seems to be less problems and less drama among the "groups" and more acceptance among that choose to do "well" and show their "talents" than when my girls were in school.   It was not "cool" to be smart, pretty, talented etc and when you were there was a ton of jealousies and drama around these topics.   It was not the best situation or scenerio for my girls ,  I regret not doing something about it then and now .

I am glad my daughters don't hold this against me now.  They both have some negative memories surrounding their high school experiences.   I am so sorry that they do. : (  I wish I could have made it better for all of them, but especially Kelly, because I knew better . 

I did get Kelly in private school once I was separated and didn't have to fight her Dad on the issue (he was adamently against it) but it wasn't soon enough ,   6th grade would have been about right.
I am sorry Kelly.

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