Tuesday, March 29, 2016

FORGIVENESS.....and what I am learning...


I have struggled with forgiveness and the thought of it for years.  I have written about it many times and I have blogged about it several times.   (HERE are the blog posts from the past)   I have spoken with several of my spiritual friends, my religious friends and even a medium about forgiveness and the impossibility of it ... in my life.

They say there are unforgivable sins.  But those sins are sins against God, not against humans.   Because we are human and sin..... I would think we would be "allowed" to hold the sins against us.... as unforgivable.

I could go on a rant and list all of the things I cannot forgive another for.  My exes, my parents .... etc etc...

I could also list all of the people that have encouraged me to give forgiveness when I have told them that it is impossible to do so.

Recently I learned that removing my expectations relieve me of the fate of being disappointed or hurt.   Thereby,  having less to forgive.    I have a litany of things that I have been hurt by for no other reason than my own brain formulating what I should and have expected from other people.  

AA ,  an organization that helped my Dad in his final 4 years on earth , sent him on a quest to seek forgiveness from those that he hurt, REGARDLESS if the very same people had hurt him... it wasn't about  that .... it was about being humble and genuine and facing the shortcomings that he  (alcohol) had done.   He called me and asked forgiveness. that made me happy that made me cry... of course I would...but when he told me "who else he had called"  I was angry,   asking him WHY IN THE WORLD WOULD YOU DO THAT ?   his answer was "because that is what was going to heal him."   I didn't understand. 

This morning I watched my "online church" that I missed Easter Sunday.  I saw a couple of friends state that the service was fantastic..... and how it spoke to them .... not realizing that this particular service would resurrect something in me.

I encourage my friends and family to watch it ....  if you are short on time,  GO HERE  take the little slider bar and move it to 34:57... and watch from there.... that is when Brian, the pastor ,  "comes on"that is the meat , the lesson .... the word(s)

Watching it here, in the quietness of my house ,  alone ,  I said a little prayer ... which I do frequently...asking God to bless my house,  my children, and all of my loved ones.   I ask God to help me to be a better person and help me to understand what it is that I should be doing in my life that would be pleasing to him.

You see I have always tried to do what is right,  I have always loved and done everything in my life out of love... for my family ... and for me....but maybe not "for God."   Forgiveness.... that thought came to me today ,  wasn't for me.... as I have often been told .... it is FOR GOD!

God has given me so much .    Yes I have had a hard life... a lot of people have .... I have been so bitter and angry that I have overlooked the thing that is plain as the nose on my face..the "thing" that God let me see today... .. "forgive for GOD"  not for me not for God to do for me.... but for me to do FOR GOD!

I still have so much to learn.

Sunday, March 27, 2016

Review: Life After Death

Life After Death Life After Death by Damien Echols
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

It was a great book if you were a follower of the people and trial documentaries by HBO. You need to know and be familiar with the characters and background to understand the book details. Well written and great insight into the boy that became a man under a series of unfortunate events.

View all my reviews

Monday, February 22, 2016

To Kelly ..... on turning 28.....

Happy 28th Birthday to my beautiful daughter, Kelly.  I can't believe it... time truly does go by so fast.   Here you are a married woman that has accomplished so very much and has a beautiful almost...2 year old.

AT your age.... (1990)  I also had a beautiful two year old... YOU.   You were and still remain my "little angel baby."  I do believe you were my healthy gift from God.  The entire family was blessed to have you come into the world.    I remember it..... almost like yesterday.... the way you came into the world with a smile on your face ,  and so healthy we did not need to even know your blood type.   I on the other hand had to get a dose of morphine ... because really you should have been taken C section as they had already prepped me to do....but you came the old fashioned way , with your little face all bruised up and a drugged mamma.   You were named in that drug induced state... not exactly where the name came from, but it fit and it still does.   You embrace the Irish in you and rock that red hair  .and of course your favorite color is "green" ....

You have always been a joy to be around.  You were on of those children (as is Ryker) that could be taken almost anywhere.   You were the one we WANTED to take on the cruise with us because you added happiness to our adventures. 

I am so glad that I not only got a daughter out of the deal but also a dear dear forever...friend.   We always are there for each other through thick and thin....and there has always been plenty of both because we are both are the ALL or Nothing types....

Thats not all we both are.... I could never deny you and you me...you are my mini me but at the same time are an independent thinker and hard working young lady.   I am so proud of your accomplishments and your abilities. (you are the best of both of your parents rolled into one) 

Thank you my loving daughter...for being a friend to others (even if they are not the best of friend to you)  ...thank you for being a trusted confidant,  a loyal and hard worker,  a wonderful mom, a wife that any man would be proud to have,  a good sister, aunt, and especially Daughter.  

You are talented, beautiful, smart, sweet and loyal.  Don't ever change those qualities- even though the world will try to take them, smash them and even demolish them ....fight hard and keep that beautiful SMILE ,  keep that beautiful HEART.... and defy the odds.   

So far you have done exactly that .... and I am SO VERY PROUD! I love you Kelly Ann.